Jealous Much? At All?

Back in the day I remember saying silly things, like, "Oh, I never get jealous." I said that to a guy I was seeing and he responded, without missing a beat, "That means you've never been head-over-heels about someone." I waved it off, thinking that he couldn't possibly be right. I mean, I was head-over-heels about him, right?

Wrong.

When I did finally meet someone who made me crazy, ecstatic, furious and head-over-heels, all at once, I felt those pangs of jealousy creeping in. It was something I'd never really expected. Every female he came into contact with, friend, ex or otherwise earned a sideways glance from me. Who the heck was she? And why was she calling him? And how often did they talk? And why hadn't I heard stories about her?

Over time I settled down a lot and realized that he loved me and was devoted to me. That's all well and good, but I also realized that he wasn't a jealous person. Not even a little bit. I could tell him I had plans to fly to Johnny Depp's private island for the weekend and act as his personal masseuse and his response would be, "OK, babe. Have a good time. Oh, while you're there could you see if he has any Hunter S. Thompson stuff lying around. Cool. Thanks." The only thing that's more off-putting than a jealous rage is...the absence of a jealous rage. I have to admit that it bugged me. He didn't feel threatened by anyone. It was mystifying.

But this weekend, after having a tense couple of days (we're still working through things, having decided to keep living together for the time being) during which I angrily told him that I would go elsewhere to find a satisfying relationship if he was not able to provide it, something finally got under his skin. A painfully old friend of mine called on Saturday to talk about a project he's working on. He was looking for advice. Now, I've known this guy since we were bitty babies. We went to nursery school together. He poses no threat, and I barely ever talk to him unless we run into one another in the neighborhood. It really rubbed my boyfriend the wrong way and later on, without my knowledge, he called this friend and asked him to steer clear. My friend assured him that there was absolutely nothing going on, as I did when my boyfriend let me know he had done it. It was certainly an unnecessary move on his part (and now I have to call this guy and apologize, which annoys me) but I have to say that I wasn't really mad.*

I was almost...reassured.

*I'm even less mad now that my boyfriend told me that he never actually called this guy, but was just messing with me. Sigh...

Lovefool

In anticipation of the three year anniversary of my boyfriend's and my first date, I thought it would be fun to read the tidbits of recorded history from that time. In other words, the gushingly girly emails I wrote to my friends. Oh my god, was it not fun.

I read and read and by the end of the narrative was depressed, and pitied the heroine for being so lovesick and foolish. She was head-over-heels. She was making emotional mix CDs at a rate never before seen. She was hanging on every text, call, and glance from him. She was, quite frankly, a little bit pathetic. When I finished reading, it took me a moment to snap back into reality and realize, "That awful creature was me." *barf*

It took even longer to remember that I had ultimately gotten what I'd wanted so badly years ago. There's not much comfort to be taken in that, though, because that lame girl is still in there somewhere, just waiting to pop out. When she does I'm going to remind her that one CD is plenty.

Update: Just did a little research into what kind of gifts are traditional for a three year anniversary and apparently it is the 'Leather Anniversary.' So, what does that mean? Like, shoes? Or whips and ball gags and things? Fair enough...

Get to Bed

Pretty early on in my current relationship I noticed a troubling trend. I'd wake up in the morning, roll over to kiss my boyfriend, and get a face full of cold, unused pillow. My first instinct used to be panic. Where was he? Did he go out last night and never come home? Was he eaten by wolves? Cannibals? Or, dear god, could he have run into an ex-girlfriend and decided to run away to French Guyana with her?!?!?! *SCREAM OF RAGE.*

Invariably, though, I'd truck out to the living room and find him, slack-jawed on the sofa, remote in hand, the same episode of The Office repeating itself to infinity on the DVR. *Sigh of relief.* The boyfriend was not missing or dead or cheating (obviously his death would be preferable to that) but the fact remained that, for whatever reason, he had not come to bed.

His explanations were always completely valid: he'd fallen asleep in front of the television, was restless and didn't want to toss and turn and wake me up, needed some space. As valid as they were, it rubbed me the wrong way.

In general, I think physically sleeping together is crucial to keeping your relationship fresh. A few solid nights of boy-on-couch tends to put a cramp in the sex department. After all, you can't have sex with someone who's in a different room (unless you're into short-distance Skype-sex, in which case, you go, girl.) Aside from that aspect, I know that I need the affirmation of feeling someone next to me. Maybe, "need," isn't the right word. Want. I want to feel someone next to me. More specifically, I want to feel the person I love next to me.

My father and his girlfriend no longer sleep in the same room. She is a light sleeper, waking at the drop of a hat and long ago they decided to go it alone, for her sake. I don't think my dad really cares one way or the other, as long as he can have a beer with dinner he's a happy camper. But, to me, that really signals a relationship's decline. First you move one room away, then it's that much easier to move one house away, one town away, one state away. I know, I know, that's slightly dramatic, but that's where my mind goes. I don't want to be the type of couple who lead separate lives and wash separate bedclothes. Some of that, I'm sure, comes from being frightened as a child by my father's situation. Most of it is because I need (want) that physical closeness.

I need it, even though my boyfriend (and lots of other people who claim that sleeping separately has improved their marriages) may not. It's something we've talked over, fought over, and still haven't, "fixed." Do any of my gorgeous Girlfriends-in-Progress have words of wisdom on this? How can you encourage your SO to get to bed!

Picture courtesy of http://www.momlogic.com.