A couple days ago at work I heard the question that I hear all the damn time. “When are you guys going to get married?” Aside from the impoliteness-factor, it’s really annoying to have to produce some sort of explanation when the subject comes up. In the past, I’ve told people that I won’t get married until everyone can get married, but that’s kind of a cop-out. Even if there was marriage equality in New York State, I’m still not sure I’d be on board with the institution personally.
It made me consider other similar odd questions. Close your eyes (no, wait, don’t close your eyes. You won’t be able to read this with your eyes closed.) With your eyes (and your miiiiiiind) open, imagine you’re walking down the street when an acquaintance approaches you. He says:
“What are you doing?! Why aren’t you at Easter mass?”
“Well, not going to Easter mass is just, it’s just WRONG!”
“It’s not, though, because that’s not my belief system. That’s part of your belief system, which makes it wrong if you don’t do it, but I’m fine.”
The marriage question feels like the same thing, to me. I mean, you could swap out a few words and it’s the same conversation:
“What are you doing?! Why aren’t you getting married before you live together?”
“Well, not getting married is just, it’s just WRONG!”
“It’s not, though, because that’s not our belief system.”
People rail pretty hard on cohabitating prior to marriage, saying that it’s somehow morally wrong or backwards. Just because it’s not part of your belief system doesn’t make it right or wrong or anything, really. It’s just different. And not adhering to your beliefs doesn’t reflect upon me, as a person. If anything, it reflects upon you. Why is so important to you that I be married, when it doesn’t matter one whit to me whether you marry or go to Easter mass or have an egg salad sandwich for lunch or wear a flower pot on your head, “because it’s the right thing to do.” It might be for you, and that’s great. Let’s all decide what’s good and right for ourselves. Come to think of it, wearing a flower pot on your head would make you look like a terra cotta Darth Vader, which is hilarious. Do that. If you don’t, it'll just be…wrong.