Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Girlfriend in Regress

During a heated argument earlier this year, my boyfriend set his jaw and seethed, "You should change the name of your blog to 'Girlfriend in Regress!'" It was so clever and quick that it stopped me dead in my tracks and I couldn't help but laugh. The fight ended shortly thereafter. But, unfortunately, the time has come to seriously consider that suggestion.

We knew things were crumbling a little over a month ago; we were fighting all the time, and making promises to each other that neither had any intention of keeping. We just weren't connecting the way we used to. When the pressure on us became too much to bear, things blew up, my boyfriend went and stayed at a friend's house for a few days, and we ended our relationship. Since then it's been uncharted territory, because we still share a home, and are doing our best to coexist until the end of our lease.

Obviously this isn't the ideal situation for anyone. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him, and truly expected that we'd be together for the duration. We had started talking about buying a house together. Even though neither of us is particularly marriage-minded, we were planning on taking our relationship to a new level of commitment. You'll remember we went and bought rings symbolizing that.

So now we're faced with the daunting task of dismantling, "our life," together. Since the breakup we've been able to be pretty civil, and have continued spending time together (because, well, we still enjoy each other's company) and things have been generally OK. It's nice to know that I can still lean on him for certain things, and neither of us has gone down the vindictive path (yet) so we're able to continue to pay the bills and share a space. Still, the time will come when we'll have to cut all ties and really move on, and that's not something I'm looking forward to after three years together.

I'll do my best to keep writing, even though I am technically now a Girlfriend in Regress.


  1. I definitely hope you keep writing. When my marriage ended, it was very difficult to get through the different stages. You get so used to things being a certain way, and then suddenly - they're not. You seem like a very cool, smart lady. You'll do fine. :)

  2. Thanks, Sue, I really REALLY appreciate that. I'm sure you have some unbelievable insight on the process of moving on, so I'll be looking to you for that in the future.

    As part of my personal moving on process, I'll do away with this semi-anonymous business (which I wasn't especially good at.)

  3. You said things were bad only a little over a month ago... why are you calling it quits so soon? If my BF and I had broken up over a month's rough patch, we never would've lasted this long. You learn you grow, things change, and you won't always be fighting. You can't just give up because you had a bad month, right?

  4. KH, let's just say it wasn't really my decision. I'm doing my best to be diplomatic here, so I'll just say that we kept coming back to the same fundamental differences between what we want out of life. :)

  5. You were better at the semi-anonymous thing than you think: I just figured out this week, and I wasn't even 100% sure.

    You are welcome to any insight I have any ol' time you want. I'm in a similar boat right now, too. So, I have a whole bunch of new insights I get to learn.

  6. Oh, no. I am JUST catching up on your blog. I will be thinking of you and hope you find emotional peace.

  7. Any chance you may want to blog again soon? I'm just finding you and I'm hooked.