Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Virtually real.

A lovely anonymous commenter posted this a few days ago:

I've been interested in your posts about the breakup...going through a pretty awful one right now myself. Do you find the blogging therapeutic? I feel like I just want to crawl into a cave and not talk about it, acknowledge it, allow it to be real.

Trust me, if there was a cave nearby and it was socially acceptable to take, like, a two-month-long sabbatical to said cave, I’d totally be there. In the dark, wrapped in a bear skin, clutching a mag of red wine and a hanky. There’s still a part of me that can’t wrap my mind around the fact that we’ve really broken up. Even though I’ve physically moved to a new apartment that’s my own place, it still feels like our lives haven’t entirely separated. And they really haven’t. We talk every day and spend time together (we even watched “our” TV show premieres together the other day.) That contributes to the unreal feeling, for sure. 

Writing about it is therapeutic, for the most part, but there’s another aspect of it that makes it seem…I dunno, somehow fictional. Like, I’m just telling these people’s stories and, hey, maybe there WILL be a happy ending! So I constantly have to push that feeling away while I’m writing about the break-up.

One thing that did make it realer was that very very shortly after we broke up, he was already hooking up with people. Not sure what level of hooking up, but at the very least making out with people in public places. I know that’s pretty much what guys do. They don’t give themselves enough time to grieve (whether they know they need it or not) and jump right into something else. Obviously that’s his prerogative now that he’s single, but it felt like a total bitch slap. A bitch slap that snapped me back into reality, at least a little bit. 

Anonymous, I’m bummed to hear you’re going through something similar. It truly sucks so hard I can’t even put it into words. I wish I could give you a hug.


  1. It's me (anonymous! haha) again. Funny how these experiences are so similar for many of us. My ex jumped right in with someone else (though that ended after a few weeks), and I cannot help but have those fantasies of "happy ever after". It's like you said in another post - I'm still in love. I wish I weren't, but I am. I can't imagine dating someone else right now.

    I wonder if spending so much together time with your ex is a good idea? Does it really make the break easier to deal with, or will it eventually just make it more protracted and moving on more difficult than it needs to be? I ask because I still very much want to talk to my ex all the time, he pops into my mind 50 times a day, but he's asked me to leave him alone for awhile. He's single and that's allowed, but part of me says NO!!!.. because I know that the more time with no contact, the less likely that "happy ever after" scenario becomes. Sigh..

  2. Ohhhhh I'm such a masochist. It's probably not a good idea at all to continue spending so much time together, but we were friends before we started dating and that connection is important to both of us (I think.) If one of us needed space and asked for it, the other would comply. But you're so right. The more time/space you give, the reunion becomes less likely. It's such a delicate balancing act. In my case, I don't think there WILL be a reunion, but if you're holding out for one I would tread lightly. Do what he asks and give him his space. Who knows what will happen in the future?