Thursday, October 13, 2011

We Know We're Crazy*

The first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. We ladies sometimes do crazy stuff that we (hopefully) know is crazy, but we do it anyway. Perhaps because you all drive us to it, perhaps because we just can’t help ourselves. So how about a little group therapy. 

We know we’re in the wrong when we:
  • Get rid of your stuff. When my now-ex and I moved in together, I was fascinated by his “stuff.” Maybe due to the fact that our belongings meshed really well and we have similar taste, but whatever the reason, I loved it and never wanted to pare it down. Women seem to have this compulsive need to find the one thing men love the most (comic book collections, the comfy t-shirt, porn) and annihilate it. Don’t ask me why. If it isn’t yours, leave it be!
  • Fill in our own blanks. The blame for this one is definitely spread equally between genders. Men, you tend to give us information on a ‘need to know’ basis. Just the talking points. We want the whole story and if you don’t include each and every minor detail, we’ll convince ourselves that you have something to hide. We’ll write our own story, complete with the wildest ending imaginable. We’re creative like that, so do us (and yourself) a favor and just tell us the whole story.
  • Snoop. I’m guilty of snooping, but never unprompted snooping. One time I was using my (MY) laptop and discovered that an ex had visited a dating website specifically geared towards casual hook-ups. I did some more digging and saw that there was a fresh new profile he was still signed into! So I made some fun, informative changes to that profile. See how you make us do crazy things? That one was totally not my fault because I mean, c’mon. If you’re dumb enough to use my computer to find, “Local sluts who want to f&*$” then you deserve what you get.
  • Tell you what you want to hear. “I don’t want kids, either.” “You’re the best I’ve ever had.” “Size doesn’t matter.” OK so some of these are little white lies that probably won’t hurt anybody but when it comes to the big issues, we need to stick up for ourselves a bit more. The real answers are, “I'm not sure if I want kids. I think you’ll make a great dad but don’t want to scare you away by saying it.” “You’re very good at taking care of business, but there’s room for improvement,” and, “Size only matters when it’s small. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

*Case in point. God, I wish I didn't have such a great example of me being crazy to share, but...yesterday I called my ex to say hi and the call was sent to voicemail. Not immediate voicemail, but the "ring ring ring voicemail," that lets you know the person has CHOSEN to send you to voicemail. Today I texted him, "Are you pissed at me for some reason?" No response. So I call again. Voicemail. Call again. Voicemail. Third call (affectionately know as the "You're truly crazy" call) he picks up and now he is kind of pissed...he was taking a nap.

I'm crazy.


    1. Women are crazy and men are stupid. The reason women are crazy? Men are stupid. ~ George Carlin

      I've been totally crazy. Here's an example:

      I was married, and we had a family cell-phone plan that was in my name. I was online paying the bill (hello, perfectly normal) and it was higher than usual, so I checked the minutes. There was a 30 minute phone call on the exes line at a time when I specifically remembered we were both at the gym (we went to separate gyms).

      So, I dug, and found that it was "her" phone number. And there were a ton of calls on his line, both to and from. So I questioned it.

      But it got worse from there - I would snoop, and actually look up any numbers he called, or that called him.

      You know what it is? No trust. That's why we get rid of that item - because we don't want to compete with it. Sounds silly, but it's true - we want to be number one, and not compete with the baseball cards or comic books.

      I promise - you recover from the crazy. You get to a point where you realize that there's no need to behave that way - you don't even want to behave that way. You make a decision to better yourself, and part of that is knowing that the second someone makes you question him, or yourself, that much - it's done.

    2. Amen to the post and amen to everything Sue said.
      I'm oh so happy you are back to blogging here : )

    3. They make us do these things.