Monday, April 12, 2010

The Soundness of Silence

It's certainly been drummed into our brains that verbal communication is essential to a healthy relationship, and it is. You can't get what you don't ask for, and you can't solve conflict without hashing it out so, yes, verbal communication is important. I think though, that non-verbal communication is just as important.

Silence is a restorative thing on many levels. It's relaxing and allows to be inside your own head, for one, but it also forces you to read your partner's non-verbal cues. Frankly, I need silence to better appreciate the lack thereof. For some, a moment of quiet is uncomfortable and they feel the need to fill it with nervous talk but I encourage people to fight against that, especially when you're with your partner.

One of the grievances we hear regarding long term relationships is that the couple has, "run out of things to talk about." I have three ways to solve this problem:
  1. Stop being boring. (I'm only half-kidding on this. If you never stop learning and experiencing, you'll always have something to talk about.)
  2. Speak with restraint. Sure, it's tempting to want to tell him all of your funny stories at once, and explain your entire family dynamic before your first Christmas together, but please don't. All it takes is a few, "Yeah, you already told me that,"s to make you feel exhausted.
  3. Embrace a few moments of silence during the day.
I suppose the fourth suggestion could be to, "stop complaining about the fact that you know your partner inside and out. That's a good thing. Duh."

1 comment:

  1. So, so true. Comfortable silence is wonderful. If you're uncomfortable, it might be because you're not comfortable inside your own head - in that case, sort some things out in there, please.

    Most definitely, if you are boring - sort that out as well. You should have *something* to talk about.